Yes, you can! Thinking it through...a post in progress...

Again my son opened his mouth and out came that phrase so easily slips out whenever he is challanged, "I can't do it". And just as easily, "Yes, you can", tumbled out of mine. I don't even think about it before it's there. And it's the right thing to say, isn't it? Of course I should encourage him and let him know I believe in him, especially when I know he's done it before-- even moments before. My desire is for him to feel confident in what he knows. Yet as soon as these words come out, I can see the veil come down and his jaw set firmly in opposition. From then on, all bets are off. Sadly, sometimes it is not long before he's off in his room crying and I'm fuming in some other part of the house.

As we struggle to define our homeschooling style, it's not always pretty. However, deep in my soul I know it will be worth it in the long run. It is more than being about whether this school is better than that school, or avoiding the pressures of unecessary testing. It is about relationship; it is about knowing there is always more than one way to go and about knowing that his destiny is in his own hands. And it is about really listening to each other.

Later, while I was running off the stress and thinking about every thing that makes up all the wonderous bits of my son's personality, I realized my mistake: it may not be what I'm saying, but what my little five year old son is hearing. You see, he loves to do things together...really everything. When I say "you can do it", my mind stresses the CAN. It is positive; it is empowering. What my son hears loudest is YOU. He hears YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN; just do it. What he wants to hear is LET'S DO IT TOGETHER, I'm not leaving you WE will work through it. And that is okay. He is five. There is plenty of time for him to do it on his own and one day he will. It may be as simple as what I say like "let's find the answer together", instead of something that makes him feel out there all alone. I saw a difference the very next day. But, sometimes it's just so darn hard to break old habits and before I know it, those words roll right out again: "YOU can do it."